Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle/Transcript


 * Toadette: Hello, again! Have you seen Toad? We got separated.
 * Beep-O: Again?!
 * Toadette: (Sighs) He thinks its fun. 'Just throw out the map and let your heart your guide' is his motto. Could you find him for me? I'm starting to get worried.
 * Beep-O: Ahem! Two steps forward, one step back. To find Spawny you must defeat the Rabbids who plague you at every step, however... each victory frees them from the Megabug upon high. Pay close attention when you defeat an enemy and you'll see that Megabug regains some of the strength it lost when it merged with your foe. Hint: the ghost-like apparitions that rise to the sky after you clobber someone senseless are a clue. Yes, I see! Defeating the Rabbids frees them from the Meagbug's stronger! Oh, that's very clever I- Oh... Oh, dear. That's not good, is it? Our only hope is to find Spwany... ...and stop him from creating any more abominations that will only add substance to the storm above! As you would say - let's-a-go. First to find Toad, then Spawny! Bwah is the word - it's not groove, it's got meaning! Apprently, this town ain't big enough for the two of them. Poor fella, once he soared freely overhead, spreading fear all throughout the Mushroom Kingdom. Just look at him now - tangled in gaudy Rabbid undergarments. Oh, what cruel fate! We must restore Mushroom Kingdom to its original state. Banzai Bill's freedom (and dignity) depends on it.
 * Bowser Jr.: I see you escaped Spawny's offspring back at the tower. Well, don't waste time putting yourselves on the back. With Spawny at my side you'll be the ones fading into oblivion soon enough. Then nothing and no one'll be the boss of me! Hear me? No one! Papa?! Papa, I'm kinda in the middle of some- No, I'm not throwing a party! I finished my homework. I finished my homework. Well... most of it. Yes, I took out the garbage. Okay, Papa... C'mon, Spawny. We're not done yet. We still gotta defeat Mario and his dumb friends! Papa'll be so proud!
 * Beep-O: I collected some data on Supporters. While they are not great fighters, they are expert healers! Moreover, even if their weapons don't deal much damage, they're prone to trigger Super Effects. Beware!
 * Toad: Wow. Am I glad you came along. Toadette got herself lost again!
 * Beep-O: Funny, she said the same thing about you.
 * Toad: Er... Did she now? Well, um... in any case, we'd better go find her! It won't be easy, the area ahead is very dangerous. But if you safely escort me back to Toadette, I'll make sure you get an even bigger reward this time!
 * Beep-O: We are not a delivery service. We have important work to do.
 * Toad: Oh, of course! I just thought you might be interested in this. I couldn't figure out how to get out of here. I'm not so good with puzzles I'm afraid... ...but maybe you'll have more luck? I'll even carry it back for you! Deal? An ally in our fight against Bowser Jr.!
 * Beep-O: Mr. Toad, you have yourself a deal!
 * Toad: Just slide down. I'll take it from there!
 * Beep-O: Not a care in the world. Wouldn't tat be nice?
 * Toad: Wow! You guys did it! Guess I've gotta keep my end of the bargain, eh? I'll carry your friend here for you while you help me reunite with Toadette.
 * Beep-O: Are you sure you can carry it by yourself?
 * Toad: Of course! I work out. Plus, my head is very well insulated. I don't even feel chilly!
 * Beep-O: Well then, I suggest we waste no time in reuniting with your less directionally-impaired buddy. For the sooner we do, the sooner our ice-ensconced ally can join us in the fight against Bowser Jr.! Perfect Toad! He's unarmed, so he can't attack, only move. It's up to you to make sure Toad reaches the other side of the battlefield safe and sound. Enemies will keep spawning. If Toad takes too much damage, you lose! What the-! Ah, I see our frozen friend has finally deiceded to join us. A pale imitation of the real thing, of course, ut still... ...any ally in the fight against Bowser Jr. is a welcome sight indeed. I suggest we withdraw to Princess Peach's Castle to get our new companion up to speed. Bucklers! Here's a tip - you'll find to flank them so your attacks aren't blocked by that shield of theirs! What's that? Okay, maybe that one obvious, but did you know their dash can be explosive? Or that they're lucky shots? That they use Honey in combat? Hmm? Did you? Of course not! Lucky, I'm here, then. Given what these power blocks are capable of, I'm actually pretty glad its broken. Even though it's fossilized it still gives me the creeps. Let's pass through quickly. Before you can blink it will get bigger and bigger blowing away everyone in its path. Afterwards the tornado will calm down again. You can always see where its heading by checking the weathercock. The answer my friends, is bwah-in' in the wind, the answer is bwah-in' in the wind...
 * Bowser Jr.: Well, well! It seems the Goody Two-Shoes Crew can't get enough of your talents, Spwany! I wonder what new creation you can come up with to pique their interest... It'd better be good! Give them something straight out of your nightmares! Or I'll give you something to be scared about! Stop wigging, you saphead! You're going to fall out the- And you. Stay away from Spwany. As a matter of fact, stay out of my way. Period. I have things to do and Daddy issues to press.
 * [At the end of the tundra, a huge icicle creature appears, and freezes Mario and his allies in blocks of ice. Out of nowhere, Princess Peach arrives using her parasol, and is armed with a Boomshot and frees two of the heroes (Mario and whichever Rabbid hero is in the party)  but the Icicle Golem throws the third character into the giant fridge before they can be defrosted. Mario helps Peach land safely as they arms themselves for battle. If Rabbid Peach is rescued, she shoves Peach away out of jealousy, causing Mario to facepalm out of frustration before seeing the threat in front of them and arm themselves for battle.)
 * (After the Icicle Golem's defeat, all that's left is its' head. The Rabbid member of the party picks up the boss's head, plays with it for a moment in a manner similar to the "Alas, poor Yorick" scene from William Shakespeares’ Hamlet.
 * Beep-O: I can't tell if that's the same Rabbid or two neighbors trying to avoid each other. We are honored to have you join us, Your Highness. May I suggest we return to your castle so we may prepare for our next match? That'd be... Peachy. They're praising the spirit of Papa Rabbo, guardian of time-travelling washing machines. Spooky Trials... A place deserving of its name, I see. Sigh... No sign of Bowser Jr. or Spawny. They could be anywhere. Aha! Perhaps our mysterious benefactor has the answers we seek! Congrats on finding Spooky Trails. Isn't it great? Check out the gate in front of you. Wow, our Guardian Angel is good. Behind the Moon Gate is the cure for plague that's ravaged the Mushroom Kingdom for too long! A champion that has long been asleep will awaken and set things right! But to get to him, you'll need to find the two uh... er... Lost Relics of Goodness! Find the relics and the champion - a Mr. Tom Phan - shall awake and sing with joy at having you before him! Ooh! That sounds nice! Well, we don't have many clues, but at least we have a plan! Let's find these relics, shall we? Two pedestals, both empty - and two lost Relics of Goodness to recover. They must be related somehow. Hey, that large gate over there just opened. Coincidence? I think not. Interesting to note that smaller side gates are also open. Whoever built this place sure loved gates. My sensors tell me that these enemies are masters of long range attacks and teleportation! They could outflank us, attack and then vanish before we could react! Talk about unsporting! Also, beware their seductive charms! Peek-a-boos can pull you towards them like a Siren leading a sailor to his doom! Could that gramophone over there be one of the, uhm, Relics of Goddess? I thought I saw a matching gold pedestal somewhere... but where? They must be connected somehow. Let's grab the gramophone and get out of here. This place sends shiver down my theoretical spine! Er, unpleasant for your enemies, I mean! The second relic of Goodness will involve a long and perilous journey during which you'll probably meet a grisly end. Have fun. Well, I certainly hope this Tom Phan person is worth the trouble... Sill, if there's even a chance he can help us defeat Bowser Jr. and rescue Spawny, we've got to take it! Oh, #%S*@ - not again.
 * Toadette: Guys, guys - you won't believe that happened!
 * Beep-O: Toad wandered off, you got separated and now you need our help to find him... again.
 * Toadette: Nope... We were playing hied-and-seek and then we got separated. This used to be a great place for that kinda stuff. Spooky, but not too spooky, if you catch my meaning. But how...
 * Beep-O: You know, we are heroes. It's not like we don't have quests and things. Oh, I don't want to be a bother.
 * Toadette: Couldn't I just tag along and look for him myself?
 * Beep-O: I'm sorry, we are simply too busy right now to-
 * Toadette: I'll give you whatever's in the treasure chest I found!
 * Beep-O: What if it's just an old boot and a rusty telescope or something?
 * Toadette: Ooh! Do you think?! Well, I'll still let you have it... If you help me find Toad.
 * Beep-O: Sigh...
 * Toad: Fenie meenie iney moe... How'd you guys find me?!
 * Toadette: The same way we found you the last... two or three occasions where this happened? I've lost count. Yep, fun times!
 * Beep-O: Sigh... May I suggest that the two of you go back the way came and find something to do indoors?! Like... make jam... put up some new wallpaper... maybe study a map?
 * Toad: Mmm... jam...
 * Toadette: Yeah! But first - one more game of hide-and-seek!
 * Beep-O: Oh, no! No, no, no-
 * Toadette: Hold on - I promised them this treasure chest if they helped me.
 * Beep-O: Wait! Don't... @%#@! Come on everyone, let's see if there's anything useful in this chest of theirs... ...before we collect second Relic of Goodness and find Tom Phan. Someone needs to get those poor Rabbids a ginger lozenge or a lemon edge or something.
 * Mme Bwahstrella: You are doomed! Doomed!
 * Beep-O: We are?!
 * Mme Bwahstrella: Doomed to inferior fortune-telling and outrageous prices if you see someone besides Madame Bwahstrella.
 * Beep-O: Oh. Well, thank you but I prefer to build my house on the solid foundation of science and reason rather than... ...mindless superstition.
 * Mme Bwahstrella: So you don't want to know to find the last relic?
 * Beep-O: One fortune, please!
 * Mme Bwahstrella: O'er the gardens, under the mountains... The item you seek is in the mountain.
 * Beep-O: Can we get a hint as to what this item is?
 * MMe Bwahstrella: Even the light of Bwahstrella's inner eye can't penetrate the darkness in every corner of the unknown. But! Watch where you step - not all is as at seems...
 * Beep-O: Are you talking about on the ground? Does one of us trip or something?
 * MMe Bwahstrella: No.
 * Beep-O: Ahem! Well then, I think we're wasted enough valuable time on this sideshow. We'll let you get back to separating the slack-jawed yokels from the money they saved to buy pickled pigs' feet. Good day, madam.
 * MMe Bawhstrella: You're all doomed! DOOMED!
 * Beep-O: Drawing a live Rabbid on your tarot card means chaos, destruction, laughter and giant toilets are in your future. It looks like a Boo Balloon! It's the missing Relic of Goodness! Let's bring it back its pedestal I see a shortcut down there, past the fountain! Voi-la! Our prayers have been answered. Now the Moon Gate should open wide for us! I said, 'Viola'! It... It was supposed to open. Why isn't it open? We did our part! We retrieved the Lost Relics of Goodness! *&#$%@! Why isn't it open?! It's not fair! Why isn't it... Great! That’s the wrong gate… Maybe there's a hotline we can call or something... Aha! Our anonymous patron has again picked te perfect time to lend a helping hand. Dorks, you're probably feeling pretty discouraged right now, not that I blame you. I'd be discouraged if I were you, too. The Moon Gate can't be opened unless there's a full moon (duh). Too bad it's gone already. Lucky for you, I know a way to get it to come back! Just take the totally non-spooky path leading from the gate that just opened and everything will work out just fine and you won't be killed. I promise. Hmmm... There's something off about this last message - though I can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps there was more to Madame Bwahstrella's fortune than she let on. Perhaps someone else is planning to harm us and our enigmatic ally is as in the dark as we are! To the gate! [The Rabbid laughed like a happy child as Mario looks delighted. Suddenly, vine holding Rabbid Yoshi choked him before pulling him down into the well. A large
 * The coffin's lid opens up, revealing a corrupt Rabbid with elaborate tattoos all over his body that looked like your typical Mexican Day of the Dead theme
 * Beep-0: Phew... Welcome to the ragtag alliance! (Rabbid Yoshi continues shooting)  Anyone who wishes to aid in our quest to make the Mushroom Kingdom whole again gladly received. Valkyries go to great lengths to protect themselves and others. Watch for their Team Jump - it ends with a Ground Pound! Don't let them get the drop on you... literally! Also beware their, er... 'unique' yet powerful shooting technique. Ew. What if they catch them? Oh gosh. Look up. It's not the only looking scarier, now it sounds awful too! Well, I don't think it's inviting us over for hot cocoa and lemon bars! In fact, I tink ity's inviting us to do just the opposite - whatever that is. It feels like it's watching us - biding its time while it grows in power. All the more reason to get to Mr. Tom Phan as quickly as possible! Brrr! A graveyard. It's cold, wet and unfortunately, exactly where we need to be. However, I'm confused. The only interesting thing here is the clock tower on the other side of the graveyard... ...how can it possibly help us to get the moon to rise twice in the same night? Interesting, this contraption looks to be linked to the clock tower. Is it a puzzle? Perhaps by turning the clock's hands backwards we'll force the moon back in the sky? Sounds like the type of nonsensical Rabbidese logic the Mushroom Kingdom is overrun with... ...And therefore probably worth a shot! The moon! It's... it's reversing its course! Aha! Our cryptic colleague calls to congratulate us. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The Moon Gate is open and Mr. Tom Phan awaits. Soon, you'll be out of the picture entirely! Muhahahahaha! Er... when I wrote 'out of the picture' I meant, 'doing great'. Also, when I wrote 'muhahahahaha' I meant, 'congratulations'. Also, when I wrote 'muhahahahaha' the second time I meant, er.... "You guys are really cool and I like you at lot and definitely don't wish you any harm.' (Snickers) Well! It would seem that our quest is almost at end. Let's not keep our savior waiting any longer than necessary! Why, it's a theater! Tom Phan sure has a fair for the dramatic, doesn't he? Beep-O, just a quick note to let you know my email was hacked. Please ignore my messages about a Mr. Tom Phan as I suspect it's a trap... ...though no doubt you figured that out for yourself already, as I'm sure it was as obvious to you as it was to me. Signed, Your Biggest Fan.
 * Bowser Jr.: So, you finally decided to show up! You're just in time for the show.
 * Beep-O: Bowser Jr.! It was you that sent us those messages asking us to collect the Relics of Goodness... so we could unlock the Moon Gate to find Mr. Tom Phan, wasn't it? I knew it all along! Er... well, I suspected. Okay, I just figured it out in the last thirty seconds. Tom Phan was a red herring. It was just a trap, wasn't it?
 * Bowser Jr.: Oh, he's real alright... In fact, thanks to yo, he's about to make this deut right here on this very stage. Go on now SPawny, do your thing! Hm... Maybe you need a little encouragment. Behold! Tom Phan! Better known as... Phantom!
 * Phantom: Bwah... Hum... ah-ehm. ♪BWaaaaah-Bwah-Bwah BwaaaaAAAAAAAAAAH! Bwah Ahem-har... Humph! You think yours is a real mustache? Who's done me a thousand wrongs, Ever since Donkey Kong? Slithering down every pipe, Despite his plumb-shaped body type! Who's gonna run in fear, While screaming 'Mamma miaaaaaaaaaaa'? Who leaves me gray and grim? Oh, wait does Peach see in him? Mario! With great joy in my heart, Each time I watch Mario Kart! With great joy in my heart, Each time I watch Mario Kart! You're first and doing so well, But here comes the Spiny Shell! Ha ha ha! And now you and your Rabbid friends, Have finally met your ends! Just let me catch my breath, Then I'll 'high C' that you to death!♪
 * Beep-O: My sensors indicate that Tom Pha- er, the Phantom, is immune to attack when he's hogging the spotlight! If this greedy songbird is to sing his swan song we must find a way to turn off those lights!
 * Phantom: ♪Who do you think you are? You should kneel, I'm the Star! You are nothing but a parody I'll find you a good role in a... tragedy (ah ah ah ah) "It's-a-me, let's-a-go!" The only words you know! My art will touch your princess's heart And you will be pulled APAAAAART! You think you'll win this tournament? I'll send you to retirement! You're so not worth the hassle Your Princess is in another castle! Mushrooms won't end the pain... Time for the Phantom to start his reiiiiiign!♪
 * (Sobbing)
 * Beep-O: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the very mouth of the lion itself - Bowser Jr. has been busy since his father left. It looks like as if he's transformed the heart of this volcano into some sort of military production facility. I fear our travails thus far are just a prelude for what is come to. Be on your guard... His skin must be irritated - probably all the dry air down here. Hey! Stop scratching and use some aloe! The Super Dimension Mecha Mobile Beast King Ninja Rabbidbot - a failed experiment unfortunately. Evil aside, it's nice to see some things are still done by hand. Looks like our progress is blocked! Hmm... the colored pedestals appear to each match a different problem. Pedestals are generally made to put things on top of them. We should try different combinations to see what happens. Someone's feeding this Chain Chomp Rabbid-shaped cookies! It's going to think they all taste like shortbread now. My sensors detect they bought a QwickPress so they can do the ride over and over again. We need a way down - but the pipes aren't connected! Hmm... Let's see what those switches do. Good to see there's at least one Rabbid who's got his butt in gear! Ha ha ha! Gosh, I'm on a roll today. This is the biggest pipe labyrinth yet - seriously how paranoid is Bowser Jr.? So many pipes leading to nowhere - and is that a mech?! At what point do you just move to a gated community, you know? There's only one way through this place that will lead us to Spawny. Let's watch our step, there's no time to lose.
 * [After defeating Bowser Jr, his Mecha Jr explodes, causing him to bounce and send Spawny, flying off the edge. Bowser Jr couldn't help but escape as Mario and the ganga caught up with him. A few seconds afterwards…]
 * Yoshi: YOSHI!
 * [Yoshi flutters up, carrying Spawny in his arms and happily reuniting with Mario.]
 * Beep-0: Ah, the famous Yoshi - and with Spawny, no less! Fortune has finally smiled upon us! But we've got no time to celebrate - Bowser Jr. could be back any second. We need to get Spawny out of here, now! (Yoshi grins a bit in a cute manner] So, Yoshi, is it true that you have your own island? [Spawny began to regain consciousness with everything around him blurry and hearing Beep-0's echoes.]Stand back! Don’t frighten him. (Spawny's sight  become clear) Spawny! Are you alright? Yes, well... we're glad to see you, too. Oh! Ah... well, I suppose you have unleashed... ... a swath of awe-inspiring destruction across the Mushroom Kingdom... ... thanks to your reckless handling of the SuperMerge... Er... um... but as colossal disasters go, this one was... er... not so bad? Let's see here um... the positives are... um... Hmm. Yes! The Sherbet Desert was cool... plus now we all know how to spell 'sherbet' - boy was that a surprise. Before we proceed, I want to remind everyone that keep Spawny safe must our top priority. No one is to take their eyes off of Spawny for a single second! The very fate of the Mushroom Kingdom depends on us returning him home safety. I'll admit, we've had some missteps - perhaps one or two were even mine... ...but now that Spawny is with us, we can't afford to let anything stand in our way... right Spawny? Uh... Spawny? Great! You guys spooked hi. Well, don't just stand there, go get him!
 * Bowser Jr.: Well, I hope you're happy!
 * Beep-O: Excuse me?! Are you implying that this is our fault?!
 * Bowser Jr.: Spawny and I were perfectly happy together. Fire minutes with you and he gets kidnapped! And what's Papa gonna say when he comes home to find a giant energy dragon hanging out in his castle? Lucky for you he's still on vacation, so you'll have to clean up the mess you made. That's him now. It's probably just another photo of him standing next to a stupid statue or a old pile or rubble. "Decided to come home early, son. See you soon! - Papa." Oh, no! That dragon's gonna squish my dad! And then my dad's gonna squish me! What am I gonna do?! You gotta help me! I'm coming, Papa! I'm coming!
 * Beep-O: Sigh... well, like it or not, he has a point... That thing in the sky has been gaining power with each corruption we've set free. It's taken from now - and it has Spawny. Whatever we do, we must do it quickly, before it gains any more strength... ... or soon no force in the Mushroom Kingdom will be powerful enough to stop it.
 * Bowser Jr.: Hey! Hey! You've gotta help my papa! He coulda licked that himself, but something happened to him!
 * Beep-O: We're too late, then. We should return to Princess Peach's Castle and marshal our forces!
 * Bowser Jr.: No, please. I'm sorry about before! I know it's all my fault... Uh... I guess I owe you guys a debt of gratitude or whatever.
 * Beep-O: I just hope this has taught you a lesson... ...taught us all a lesson, really. We ought not to meddle with powerful forces beyond our understanding.
 * Bowser Jr.: Look, I can't promise that I'll be good forever but I'll try. You did kinda free my dad from a big, scary dragon thing. (Sighs) Guess I'll have to take my lumps when he wakes up. Unless you want to take the fall for me! I mean, he already hates Mario, so-
 * Beep-O: A tempting offer... Alas, we must return to Princess Peach's Castle to let everyone know that the threat to the Mushroom Kingdom has passed! If ever a single appliance in all of history has caused more trouble for more people, I'd like to hear about it! Wait a moment... 'History'! I could use this time machine to help our past selves rescue Spawny and save the Mushroom Kingdom more easily! Wait! What if I did that already?! What if 'Your Biggest Fan' was me the whole time? Pfft! Nonsense! What kind of an insecure egomaniac would lavish that much praise on themselves? Thought maybe I should forward those messages my past self just in case. Dearest Beep-O, whose bravery, intelligence and compassion stand as a beacon of hope for us all if my timing is correct, you are in dire need of help. Etc., etc. - I'll just copy the rest. Let's see, who should I put as sender's name so I don't confuse myself later - I mean 'earlier'? He he. I know! 'F.B' - for 'Future Beep-O'. Oh! Wait! I forgot the attachments! On second thought, perhaps I should leave well enough alone. One never knows what unintended consequences something like this could have. Ah, well... What could possibly go wrong? Everyone, pay attention! Yes, we were awesome and heroically defeated the Megabug, but we still have work to do! First, we need to explore the Mushroom Kingdom for places to use my new talent - dig! I'd start with the Lava Pit. There's not just digging to do at the Lava Pit - it seems there are a lot of corrupted Rabbids there for us to find liberate, as well! My finely-turned sensors also detect increased activity at the Buddydome hidden near Peach's Castle! Anxious to get started? Good! Soo... let's-a go!
 * Toadette: Mario! We JUST now made it back from Spooky Trails.
 * Toad: Thanks for clearing that path for us. It gave us a chance to enjoy the scenery!
 * Toadette: Oh - that reminds me! We were asked to read this message to you. It says... "We, citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom, offer our highest appreciation and utmost admiration to you - it's greatest heroes." "We put everything we have into this world - thank you for saving it!" You know what they say - helping your friends is all part of life's rich journey!
 * Toad: Is that what they say? Anyway...congrats, you guys! Hopefully next time this we'll happens be a little more useful.
 * Toadette: I don't mind reading the message again. just don't let all this praise go to your head... "We, citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom, offer our highest appreciation and utmost admiration to you - it's greatest heroes." "We put everything we have into this world - thank you for saving it!" Wow. Whoever these "citizens" are, they really think you're the best!
 * Toad: I wish someone would write ME a note like that.. I guess I'll just have to wait until next time the Mushroom Kingdom is on our brink of utter destruction.