Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle: Donkey Kong Adventure/Transcript


 * (Somewhere in another dimension...)
 * Beep-O: OH, NO! Where's the rest of the Washing Machine? Where are WE? Marooned! On a tropical island with NO means of wrapping back! We HAVE to reassemble and fix the Washing Machine by finding its missing parts. It's our only way to get back to the Mushroom Kingdom! Look! I see more locals who I'm sure will be willing to help. I'll just need to sweet talk them. AHEM! Pardon me - we are in need of your quaint assistance. Ah... the mighty Donkey Kong! Let's put those bulging biceps of yours to work against these Tropical Ziggies! Did you know you're strong enough to pick up most Cover Blocks and throw them? You can also grab allies and enemies alike to toss them elsewhere on the battlefield. Ooh, Rabbid Cranky! My sensors detect that your Boombow conceals some formidable firepower. Let's check it out. Say, I remember you two - you were in the basement when Spawny put on the SupaMerge headset. The Megabug must have brought you HERE instead of the Mushroom Kingdom. Regardless, we're glad you found us when you did. Hold on - I think I can translate... "Dang blasted machine fell apart in the... dang blasted sky... dang parts everywhere..." Yes, yes. We NEED to find that Washing Machine and it's scattered parts. Can you draw us a map? He says the Barrel Cannon can get us to the main island where the missing parts are. Sigh.. He says he wants to show us something - I'll take care of it. Thank you, but we'll take it from here. I'm sure you have your hands full er.. waving your cane angrily at teenagers? I don't mean to be rude, you're a great fighter and all, but I suspect you may slow us down a bit and... Er... I'd rather we got you a walking frame or electric scooter, but if this speeds things along, so be it. Fast asleep while everyone else scrambles to get all the work done! They'll be of no use to us while they snooze. Legend has it the wicked pirate Banana Beard shipwrecked here. They say his ghost makes banana custard by the light of the full moon. GASP! A Washing Machine part. Looks like an important one, too. Quick, let's grab it! These assailants are Collectors - they steal anything shiny and metal including our Washing Machine parts! We'll have to defeat the Collectors to retrieve the Washing Machine parts. Quick! Before another picks them up! If we don't retrieve ALL of the washer parts, not only will we be stuck here forever, but we'll void the warranty. An octopus fetching something different for his underwater garden. Yellow is very fashionable this year. Now, now - don't blow your top Rabbid Peach! Rabbid Kong will get what he has coming! GASP! Donkey Kong! Check those fascinating surface formations! By hoping on them, you'll be able to leap forward at even greater distances! There are lots of them on the battlefield. Leap across multiple gaps to increase your movement range! You know, when you said you wanted to "show us something" you could have been a LITTLE MORE SPECIFIC! Rabbid Kong! Or all the-! Sigh... How did he even GET here? And he looks so STRONG. He must have been working out. Whoah! So the main body of the Washing Machine is right in the core of hideout of Rabbid Kong!? ...and it's guarded by an army somewhere beyond that giant gate that needs TWO keys to open. WONDERFUL. Doubtless, they're scattered far and wide - safeguarded by wicked brutes. Typical. We need to find those keys! Hurry! The lesson here is to never lie out under a giant magnifying glass unless you already have a good base tan. Speaking of which, Donkey Kong, I detect some interesting spots on the ground. Hop on them and you'll be able to perform an amazing leap forward! Bad Bananas - they may sound like an indie band but it's actually the source of Rabbid Kong's newfound powers. Rabbid Kong has minions stockpiling them for him everywhere. We have no choice but to destroy the Bad Bananas on sight. Imagine having one of THESE on your dashboard, I'd just as soon take the bus. I didn't think bananas could be any less appealing but there you go. Boy, he's got a long way to go before his big fight. He could really use a training montage right about now. Uh oh. Looks like we're in the middle of a Honeybird Bombing Run! See that shelter? If we can reach it, we'll be safe from their sweet and sticky salvo! Let's spread out to avoid becoming a honey-drizzled hero cluster. Also, help each other to keep everyone honey-free! I hope I'm wrong, but I fear those boats are meant to bring Bad Bananas to nearby islands. Hey, this isn't a vacation! Go build us something useful like a bowling alley or a burger joint! Imagine having one of THESE on your dashboard. I'd just as soon take the bus. We could start a heck of a spoken-word poetry slam if they'd just learn to play a smooth jazz rhythm or two. An offering. The locals believe Rabbid Kong will bring them a wealth of bananas if they er... give him all their bananas. It's likely a signal light of some kind. Perhaps to let someone know when a new shipment of bananas is in port. Sigh... another gate to block our progress. I'm starting to hate these things. The gate is guarded by two totems. They look menacing, but I detect they hold the solution to the riddle of the closed gate. Hm! What are these big buttons for? There's one set of them for each totem. I can't entirely make out what the symbols on these panels mean. They speak to some kind of balance between what should be done and what shouldn't. We did it! Boy, that was easy. %&#$ I spoke too soon! There's more to do. That placard there - we'd best investigate. I didn't think bananas could be any less appealing, but there you go. What's that bridge? Of course! The Rabbids was liberated from the Megabug's grasp built it. We've seen something similar at Peach's Castle. They seek to make amends by building all sorts of useful things to aid us - bridges, Rabboltories, weapons... Hurrah for nonstop productivity of guilt-ridden employees! We still need one key - and there's not a lockbox or potted pl;ant in sight. Let's use the bridge to investigate the reef. Rabbid Peach! Stop being selfie-sh! There are 512,653 palms EXACTLY like this one around here but they just HAVE to fight over this one! Ridiculous! Those fountains are exact likenesses of the Bwanahanini Spitting Goatfish. At the end of our turn they spit water! RUDE. Their range is unlimited, but the stream is powerful enough to push us, even damage us! At least even enemies are affected by them in the same way, so that's something, I suppose. In fact, they're so tired of being hosed down, morale is low. Defeat enough and the rest will flee, ending the battle! Ha! Cowards! See how they run? They're out of MY league! They're obsessed with catching fish but have no idea how care for them. Imagine the metal storm of skull-rattling rock you could summon from the gods of thrash if you could wield this axe. Hmm... while this slovenly sluggard may look like a Smasher, it's not. It's a Smuggler! They're delivering Bad Bananas all over the island, to aid their corrupted colleagues. They must be stopped! Smugglers MUST be defeated BEFORE they reach the other side of the battlefield. If they escape, we lose! It reminds me of Botticelli's "The Birth of Venus" - only instead of divine perfection it's more horrid revulsion. This time the Collectors brought in their big brothers - the Bucklers! Big, bad and shielded. Here's a tip. You'll need to flank Bucklers so your attacks aren't blocked by that shield of theirs! They're frantically trying to intercept that message. Imagine their disappointment when they find out it's just pizza coupons. Another closed gate... But hey, look at this ornate coral organ! Makes you want to tickle the ol' ivories! By pushing this button the piano will play automagically. Cool, but what'd be the use of that? The gate is open! Plus, a secret banana appeared. C'mon! Shed some more licks on those ivories! Backside 270 noseblunt into a switch flip, bro! BUST IT OUT! It's raining ink-filled coconuts! Ouch! Why couldn't they be blueberries? If my readings are correct, those are Summoners. Guess what they have summoning skills! We must defeat all the Summoners otherwise we'll fight an endless battle in the coconut rain! Run you curs! Run! Tell all the other curs that Beep-O's comin'! I'm not sure that's the worst place for those Rabbids, for now. We'll empty the canister when we have time. Run! Run! Jump! Woo boy, he'll be lucky to get to 125 meters unless he finds a Hammer. Well, it's nice to see them cooperating, even though they're going to get potassium poisoning. This statue is entitled "The Coronation of the Bwanana-hana-mati". Moments after the coronation... ...the peel was thrown on the ground and a tribal chief slipped on it, plunging the island into a thousand year war. More Smugglers - they're bringing Bad Bananas to their home base. Obviously, Rabbid Kong is getting nervous. He's gathering as many Bad Bananas to him as he can. One positive thing to come out of this is the Rabbids' love of bananas. Wait until they see my Bananas Foster Cinnamon French Toast Caramel Smoothie recipe. Ho, ho! My current record at checkers is 456-1. My only loss was to a Tronic-O 800XL Smart Toaster if you can believe it. Great - the gangway is completely inaccessible. Even if we could reach it, it's covered in vines. They obviously don't care much about lawn maintenance around here. I suspect this all has something to do with these strange carvings on the ground. Let's take a closer look. (Coughs) (Coughs) Is everyone OK? Great... the temple collapsed, plunging us headlong into the caverns underneath. You don't think there are mole people living down there, do you? Or centipedes? Centipedes give me the heebie jeebies! Ala, even the pale moonlight barely penetrates the gloom down here. I'm losing my sense of sight! Language is all but lost - I'm forgetting what things on the surface look like HELP! Rabbid Peach might be losing her mind! Rabbid Peach! Where are- ... Rabbid Peach! How can you moonbathe at a time like this? You should be panicking blindly like me! AHEM... you know there's no phone service this far down, right? Enough! We've got to get a grip. Rabbid Kong is still out there, controlling the banana market with an iron fist. We need to CAREFULLY find a way out. This is a dungeon after all, there's bound to be traps and spooky dungeon-stuff. Egad! Beware the invulnerable Idol of Recoil! In it's unforgiving eyes we are but unworthy interlopers! It has strong connection to its worshippers, they are the source of its power. If we defeat its worshippers, the Idol of Recoil will accept us as worthy and not bother us. They're big on rituals, these idols. A reenactment of Bwahgatahana-manu's sacrifice of his unemployed brother-in-law who was living with him at the time... ...he CLAIMED that the Banana Gods "told him to do it", but I'm not sure. Agh! Fire Burpers! At the end of our turn they'll shoot flames from their mouths. Not all of them, however. If you watch carefully, you SHOULD be able to tell which ones are about to belch fire. Rabbid Kong found a tiny garden snake while panting some hydrangeas. The artist blew it out of proportion to stroke his ego. This poor fellow is besieged by telemarketers demanding that he invest in banana futures. Rabbid Kong's banana hoarding caused a lot of volatility in the market. If I were a Rabbid I'd take the short position. Wait a second, now there are THREE Idols? A fiery one too? No fair! Once again we must take care of all enemies on the battlefield - then the invulnerable Idols will let us go! Rabbid Peach, despite her heartless actions atop the block tower that led us here. ...has proven herself a reformed Rabbid - showing mercy in our hour of victory to this poor, misunderstood creature. Perhaps she is a diva... a diva of dignity, grace and compassion. Well, I got the "diva" part right, anyhow! Well, Rabbid Kong - thank you for carrying the washer. Next time I need to move I know who to call. Ha ha! Little joke. Well, I think the warranty is DEFINITELY shot, but the washer is good as new! Or at least... as good as it ever was. I suppose this is goodbye... as it is your intention to remain here and make amends for your banana racketeering. As for Rabbid Peach and myself, it's back to the Mushroom Kingdom. I am overjoyed, however, to be parting as friends. Aha! The Megabug's influence is gone! The island is free! Thanks to my guidance, of course! Hey, Rabbid Peach. Maybe we shouldn't RUSH back to the Mushroom Kingdom. It IS Washing TIME machine after all... Why, we could go sight seeing, surfing... ... parasailing, hold a limbo contest, water bucket relay, comb the beach with a metal detector... ... Or we could just stay here and cuddle this adorable, giant furball!
 * Beep-O, Rabbid Cranky, Donkey Kong and Rabbid Kong: (Laughs)